It Rains When You're Gone
by Princessinblues
Summary: When Bella's life turns upside down, sadly the only person to bring herself up is herself. After heartbreak, will Bella ever be able to recover completly?


**Summary: The worst time in Bella Swan's life has come. Please read and review. **

**My second fan fiction. **

I tossed flowers on his grave and looked down. Tears etched down my face, I rubbed the multiple rowed diamond ring that would stay on my hand forever. Solemnly I looked down and cried. My chest vibrated from the constant sobs. Why did he have to die? As I look at the lines of never ending white granite tombstones I wonder, why did they die too? I shrank down to the ground. Tears scraped down my cheeks like splinters, and I closed my eyes.

My throat ached from crying and sobbing.

Chanting in my head, he wouldn't want you to act this way. He'd want you to smile every day and forget about him. Too bad he can't help it that he left a permanent break in my heart.

My broken sobs picked up as our memories clouded my mind like smoke. I shuddered as I smelled smoke. That was the smell I hated now and forever. I traced my fingers against the smoothness of the picture frame and cried. I banged my head against something, but didn't care. Nothing could hurt as much as this. I'd tried to smile and laugh, but inside I felt like crying. An estimated 2, 740 people died that very day. My country was never the same after it. For the first few months after he died, life were horrible. I felt like I couldn't go on. Every time I'd go in the living room and see our wedding pictures, I'd burst into tears. Every time I'd see his shoes growing dusty in the corner, I'd sob. Every time I'd see anything of his, I'd sob. My family tried to be as kind as possible, but they were crying too.

Edward was missed by so many. I loved him with all my heart, and would do anything for him. It's been two long years, but somehow I'm standing here today. I remember the day he left us forever.

_"Bye, Anthony, I love you," He smiled as he held his son. "I wuv you too, Dadee!" Anthony smiled. Edward smiled. "See you later, buddy." Edward smiled my favorite crooked smile... "I'll muwiss you, Dadeee!" Anthony squeaked. "I'll miss you too, buddy. I'll be home before you know it." He told his son. Anthony nodded and hugged his Father. Edward hugged him back. "Edward, honey, can you come here?" I asked him kindly. "What is it, love?" He striding over and holding my waist. "I'm pregnant." I said. He kissed me enthusiastically. "Ah, that's wonderful! We'll have two little ones roaming around!" He smiled as he planted kisses all over my face. I hugged him. "I'm a month!" I cried. "Really? I've missed this much? I promise I'll be there for you every day. Whenever you need me, love." He promised me. "Thank you." I cried. He hugged me close. "Bye, Bella, I love you." He smiled. "I love you too, Edward," I smiled. He kissed me lightly. "Be safe," I told him. "I will, you too, I can't stand if I lost you." He told me. "I wouldn't be able to stand it either. I will. Bye," I hugged him. I smiled. He walked out the door saying six words I'd never forget. I saw my one-year-old son, Anthony walking around me. _

_"Momma!" He cried. "Hey, bud, let's go play in the playroom." I suggested. "Yeah, Mommy, let's go!" He tugged my hand with two of his little hands. "Okay!" I smiled. I looked down at him. How much he looked like his father was incredible. He had his same beautiful eyes I could never get out of my memory, and his heart warming smiles that made my heart break. He had Edward's bronze locks... I smiled down at him as we watched Barney, and played trains. After that I read him about Thomas the Tank Engine, he fell asleep at lunch. I turned on CNN and watched horror. The world trade centers, twin towers, were gone. I prayed and prayed Edward was okay. I didn't cry I felt like I'd been stabbed. I didn't faint, like they did in the movies. I just stood there, in horror. Even though I prayed so much, my brain hurt, I still didn't feel secure._

_At four, he still wasn't home, and I got a phone call. My hands shook like I was in the chill. "Hello, this is the Cullen residence, Bella speaking," I said my voice slightly shaking. "Mrs. Cullen, I'm sorry, but your husband was injured in the attacks. He's in critical condition. I'm sorry, miss." The man on the phone spoke. My knees buckled, but I stood my ground. "Which Hospital is he at?" I asked in a firm voice though I was crying on the inside. "He's in Harlem Medical. I'm sorry, ma'am." The man apologized again. "I'll be okay. Thank you for the information." I cried. "Best wishes, ma'am." He spoke. I just nodded. I hung up, and put a stray hair behind my ear. I called my sister-in-law. My next door neighbor saw me. "Can you take care of Anthony? My husband was in the attacks," I cried. Cindy hugged me. "Oh, Bella, I'm so sorry." She said. "I got to go," I cried. "I'll take care of him, don't worry," She said. I just nodded. _

_I had to make the hardest calls of my life. "Alice," I spoke. "Yes!" Chirped my sister-in-law. "It's Edward. He was in the attacks. He's in critical condition!" I said with slowness so my voice wouldn't crack. Alice burst into tears on the other end... "I'm so sorry." I apologized. She'd never know how truly sorry I was._

"_Oh, Bella, don't say that. I'm sorry for you. How?" She asked in denial. "He's a fire fighter, remember?" I informed her, enable to take the new information either. "Oh, God." She cried. I heard a tapping noise against the receiver. Then it came to me. Those were the stray tears falling down her innocent face. She didn't deserve this. Come to think of it, no one deserved this._

_I just nodded, sorry that her beloved older brother was injured. I called his Mother, and that was so hard, his brother, and my family. I got to the hospital and went to his room. I had to take the alternate route because most of the roads and highways were closed. _

_I took his hand in mine. His eyes opened. "I love you, Bella, my angel." He said. I cried. He weakly held his hand up to my cheek. "Don't cry for me, love... I'm not worth your tears." He told me. "Remember what you said this morning?" I cried. "I won't die. I won't leave you." He chocked, I could tell he was on the edge. I tried my very best to keep those stinging tears behind my eyes. _

_"I'll love you forever, Bella. I'll watch you; I'll make sure every second you're safe." He promised. I sobbed. "I love you too," I cried. "Every time you think of me, I'll be thinking of you." He said. I just nodded weakly. "Me too," I sobbed. I kissed him one last time. "Promise you'll take care of Anthony and our unborn children, I love all of them, and I'll keep you safe." He said. I nodded. "I love you, Bella Marie Swan Cullen." He said before his heart rate went flat. I couldn't believe it. I sobbed and cried so hard. He was gone, just like that. He hung on so I could see him once more. He hung on so he could tell me he loved me. I found a note by his bedside addressed to me. I didn't open it, but I slid it into my pocket. We'd been married for ten years. Every day was a blessing. _

_I called his mother and everyone him and I knew. I couldn't believe he died. I couldn't believe he was dead, and gone. And I couldn't believe Anthony and my unborn babies wouldn't have a Father. And it was all this bone head, stupid, idiots faults. The hate I had in my heart for terrorists soaked my heart. _

My children, Anthony, Reneesmee, and Faith, all didn't have a father after he passed. I did not marry again, it never was the same. It felt like Edward would always keep that portion of my heart. Almost all of my heart was his. The rest was saved for my children. The months after his death were hell on Earth. I tried to be as strong as possible, but sometimes I would find myself bursting out crying. Somehow every thought of mine, he was in. Rensemee and Faith were the two children I had eight months after September 11, 2001. I loved all my children, and wish they could have met their father

Today is my day when I can cry, and no one will hear me. I looked down at my left hand, where one beautiful ring resides. It's covered with so many fancy diamonds, two rows of them. Edward told me he had saved money for months in order to buy me the ring. Fire fighters had very low income. I probably looked like a delusional idiot talking to a grave stone, but I felt as if Edward was here or maybe listening.

"Edward, I never knew it be so hard to go on without you."I I would have nightmares about the possibility, but my guess was not remotely close to how this felt. This felt like my heart had been broken, then frozen it would never heal.

"I wish you could've known Faith and Renesmee. Renesmee has your hair, Edward. Faith has your eyes. Anthony is such a sweet boy, just like his father, and I wish you knew him. He loves you, Edward. He truly does. Anthony is six now, and Faith and Nessie are four. Nessie got her name from your brother, Edward. Don't worry; Emmett's a great uncle to them. Almost like a second father," I chocked at the word Father, making me pause before continuing.

"You know I never opened this letter that you gave me, and I think I'll open it now. I still have your ring you gave me, so many years ago." I blabbered on. But these words needed to get out of my chest. My mind flashed with images, pictures of the past. My heart pounded like a drum in my chest. I reached up with my shaking hand, and laid it across my heart. So many pictures flashed, and I was remembering when he proposed.

_"Edward, where are we going?" I giggled as he held my hand. "You'll see," He smiled. He led me into the Starbucks, and we drank hot chocolate. "Dang, they don't have any of the drinks I like," He said. "Ah, well, you could try some of this." I said inching my Frappachino near him. He chuckled still holding my hand in both of his. "I'll just go get some coffee." He told me. He gave my hand a squeeze before he went and ordered. I smiled and looked out the window as the rain poured outside. Cursing about the weather I waited for Ryan to come back. _

_He came back, with a cup of black coffee. "Hmm, I'll take note of that the next time you come over," I smiled. "What?" He looked confused. "What type of coffee you like," I smiled again. "Oh," He said smiling one of his heart breaking smiles. "So how you liking college, Bella?" He asked. "I like it, I really miss you though." I smiled. He put his hand over mine. Edward was a year older than me, so he graduated the year prior. "I'm missing you too," He sighed. "So what's your major?" He asked. "English Literature," I replied. . "That's great, Bella!"_

_He smiled. "Thank you. So you plan on being a fire fighter?" I asked. "Yes." He smiled. "So how's Esme?" I asked him. "Lively and redecorating the whole house," Edward chuckled and some of his burning liquid fell on my skin. I winced, it really hurt. _

_"Oh, Bella, I'm so sorry. Are you okay? Are you burned?" He asked worriedly. "No, no. I'm fine, it just hurt. You worry too much about me." I sighed. "Yes I do, because I don't like you being hurt," His lip slightly pulled down when he said it. I smiled a little. He cared too much for me. "Crap, the weather is not favoring me, why don't we hang at my place since you're in the neighborhood." I smiled. "It would be my pleasure," He smiled. I put my hand in his. It was pouring. Quickly he dug in his pocket for his umbrella. "Its fine, Edward," I assured my over protective boyfriend. _

_"I don't need anything." I said blushing. "Yes you do need something, first of all, it's cold," He said touching my icy fingers. "Second of all, I do not want you getting sick." He said. "I'll be fine, you care too much about me," I spoke. "Yeah, I do. It's because I love you." He told me. "I love you too," I said. He kissed me quickly then we started walking again. I shivered slightly and he pulled me closer to his side and opened the umbrella. Even when we finally got to Edward's BMW, he wouldn't reveal our destination. "C'mon, Edward, you know I hate surprises," I sighed heavily as soon as we were in the car. "I know, love. I hope you like this one," Edward spoke. "If Alice and Rosalie are taking me shopping, I will not be happy," I muttered frustration prominent in my tone. "Alice and Rosalie are not taking you shopping," Edward assured me, laughing lightly as focused on the road. "This activity is just for the two of us," Edward continued briefly making eye contact with me. "Well, if it's just with you, I'm in." I spoke, reconsidering my previous doubts. "I'm glad to hear that," Edward responded. "You know, driving at seventy miles an hour is not safe," I commented. "Enough commentary on my driving. If I'm not mistaken, we have this conversation everyday," Edward sighed, he knew what was coming. "Well, your driving is a problem," I argued. "You drive to slow," Edward accused. "Yeah, compared to your maniac driving, it is. At least I'm going the speed limit," I replied, crossing my arms around my chest. _

_"If you call that the speed limit, then we might as well move to a tortoise's town." Edward responded. "Alright, here's my compromise," I spoke. I hated to fight, though Edward always called this a friendly 'bicker'. "I'm all ears," Edward chimed in, when I got lost in my thoughts, which happened periodically. "You drive five miles slower, and I won't criticize your driving ever again." I spoke. "Ah, you're killing me, Bella! Five miles? Fine, but I'd like to see you keep your end of the deal," Edward groaned. "I'd like to see you do the same," I spat playfully. "Gentlemen's bet, okay?" Edward suggested. "Bet it is," I nodded. Even though I knew I was terrible at betting. I remember Billy and Charlie would always bet on various sport's games. Don't even bring up March Madness... Soon enough we parked in a parking lot. I sat in my seat, reviewing the possible places we could be going to. "C'mon, Bella," Edward urged, at the beginning of the path. "Fine," I mumbled. Edward took my hand as soon as I was at his side. "Does this require a lot of walking over ridged surfaces?" I asked Edward, biting my lip. "Bella, you won't fall," Edward promised. "That's what you said during Prom. During graduation and graduation of college, too." I mumbled almost incoherently. "I caught you, didn't I?" Edward asked, his eyes sparkling. "Yes," I admitted. _

_"If you really are opposed to walking, I can carry you." Edward offered. "Do you want a broken back?" I asked him, raising an eyebrow. "Silly Bella, you're as light as a feather," Edward chuckled. "I wouldn't go that far," I warned him. "Bella, you're perfect," Edward said, kissing my forehead. "I wish," I spoke so only I could hear. Before I could mutter another word, Edward swept me up in his arms. "Edward!" I complained, now looking down at the ground. "Sorry, love, couldn't help myself," Edward apologized with a crooked smile. I crossed my arms around my chest. "Please put me down," I begged, throwing him a pleading glance. "If you insist, but Bella, this is fun for me, please?" Edward explained, giving me a pleading glance. Darn, I couldn't turn down those green eyes which were pleading with me. "Fine," I agreed, blush invading my cheeks. "Thank you," Edward replied happily, kissing my forehead. "Are we almost there?" I asked him. "Yes, I'm surprised you don't recognize where we are," Edward remarked. Curiously, I looked around at the forest back-drop and smiled. "Are we going to our meadow?" I asked him, smiling hugely. "Darn, ruins half my surprise," Edward sighed. "I love this, Edward." I assured him._

_"I'm glad," Edward responded. Abruptly, Edward stopped our meadow. "I missed this place," I spoke. "Me too, this was where I first told you I love you." Edward commented. "I told you, too," I agreed. Edward smiled and kissed me briefly before putting me down. I looked at all the flowers and ferns and smiled. I lay down on the soft green grass and Edward joined me. Edward took my hand and laid with me. I placed my head on his chest and smiled. "For the first time in a while I'm relaxed, Edward, this is wonderful," I spoke, taking a deep breath afterward. "Me too," Edward replied. I sat up and stretched after a while. _

_"It's really terrible we have to live so far away from each other," I remarked after some time. "Not for long," Edward mumbled under his breath. "I agree, I miss you so much, my Bella," Edward pulled me against his chest. "I miss you, too, Edward." I agreed. "So much," I spoke under my breath. "Bella, do you remember when we first met?" Edward asked randomly. "Yes, how could I forget?" I replied. "Best day ever," I added. "Can today be your best ever like I hope it will be mine?" Edward asked. I looked at him with confusion. I stood up, and Edward stood up in front of me, taking my hands. "Bella, I love you so much. Bella, you're my everything, and I want to spend the rest of my life with you. Bella, I promise to keep you safe, and to always love you. In repayment, all I ask is. Bella, will you marry me?" Edward proposed. I felt blush cover my cheeks like wild fire. I was speechless. My heart pumped in my chest. "Yes." I agreed. "Is that a yes?" Edward asked, hopeful. "In every language," I smiled sheepishly. Edward kissed me enthusitcally. "Edward, today was my best day ever, thank you," I spoke, tears leaking out. "You're so welcome. Bella, love, why are you crying?" Edward asked, wiping my tears away. "They're happy tears," I replied. Leave it to my crying to ruin a perfect moment. "I love you," I spoke happily. "I love you, too, Bella." Edward replied before kissing me. And for once, the world stopped for the two of us. _

"Edward, the day you asked me was the best day of my life. The day we got married was the best ever. Pretty much every day we spent together was my favorite day. I never thought you leave so soon, and I'll never let you go" I admitted to him in denial, and crying. The man who was my other half, the one I couldn't live without, but somehow I'm standing here, my heart still beating. I want him to know how much I love him, and I'm still his. Even though it may look like I've moved on, in many aspects I haven't. I felt so guilty when I felt like I moved on. I moved on for my children. I'm standing here, because he told me to, and for my children. After a very long pause, I started again, and traced my eyes back to the gravestone.

"I think you wanted me to have this letter, so I'll open it." I spoke as I opened the old creamy white envelope with shaky fingers. I opened it with care, because this was the last thing I had left of him. I took the sheet of paper buried inside of it with care. I took the wrinkled piece of paper between my fingers. I uncreased the edged with my fingers delicately and saw the pen marks. I started reading.

_Dear My Sweet Bella, _

_I'm sorry I'm dying and leaving you alone. I saw some sights; I wish you'd never see. The only thing I'm proud of is I kept you safe, here. However cheesy this is, it's true: the days we spent together, and the years we were married were the best days of my life. I'm sorry I was so stupid when I proposed to you, my favorite girl in the whole wide world deserves better... Incase I won't be able to see you anymore; I hope you get this note, but it's for you and your eyes only. I wish I could see my precious son, Jake grow up, and I wish I could be there for him. My unborn children, I love you with every fiber of my being. Anthony, too. . Fact is, you're a better parent and person then I could ever be._

_You're always positive and never give up. You're my angel Bella, and you're so beautiful. I hope you know you're the kindest and most caring woman I'd ever met. I hope you know you have so many other qualities that I know, but there are too many to list. I hope you know that I want you to move on in your life, even when I'm gone. Don't cry for me, I don't deserve your tears. You don't deserve to cry, because you should never be sad. Angels should never cry. But don't be afraid of tears. I hope when you remember me, you remember me and smile, because it's far better to remember me and smile, then it is to remember me and cry. I hope you know you've touched my heart, and you will always have it. I hope one of our children is as wonderful as you. I hope you know you're my angel, the one I always will be with. I promise I'll be by your side, and smiling and loving you, from heaven. I hope you know you're beautiful, every little piece love. I want you to smile, because I love your smiles. I want you to laugh, because I love your laugh. Lastly, I love you to bits and pieces, and I hope you know I'll go to the ends of the Earth for you just to make you smile. I love you, my precious Bella. And I hope you know you'll never be forgotten, and you are my ray of sunshine. You're the best wife, Bella that I'm sure of. Wherever you go, I go. _

_I love you, love. So much it hurts. _

_Edward _

I sobbed and laid the piece of paper in its envelope and enclosed it in my pocket. "I'm sorry you have to see me cry, but it was so hard to lose you. Losing you was like losing my best friend, my other half. I'm sorry. You should never apologize for dying when it was that entire stupid terrorists fault. Your Mother was so sad, and she loves you so much. She's better now, and she loves the kids, everyday she tells me how good of a man you were, and she now is fully emerged in redecorating the house. Edward, you were such a better person than I was. And she tells me how much Anthony, Nessie, and Faith look like you. Your sister, Alice misses you so much. She still loves you, and I see her a lot. Your brother, Emmett misses you so much. Jasper and Rosalie miss you, too. Carlisle, your father, is in the hospital all day. In hope he can save lives, but he couldn't save yours. Emmett e loves the kids, and he is such a good Uncle, just like you said. Remember how you used to worry Jasper wasn't good enough for Alice? And you used to really 'test' him? Well, he's so good to her, Edward. Don't worry, she's in great hands, and Robert and Zoë are growing up. Zoë looks so much like Alice, and practically the same personality. The fire department misses you. . Half the time I get your favorite, a pound cake from all the wives. I think of you a lot, and I want you to know, I still have your ring." I pointed out; it was on my finger "It's always close to my heart, just like you are." I admitted as I cried. Then I spoke the words I'd come to tell him here all along.

"Edward, I love you very much, and I'm so sad you left us. Why you?" I cried. I laid an object on his grave; I left a picture frame, and a picture Anthony drew, of him, and in big letters: "I LOVE YOU, DADDY! I'LL NEVER FORGET YOU!" And then I left a small American flag saying "God Bless the Victims of 9/11." And lastly, the last thing I left was a piece of paper in a frame with all the fire department signatures, remembering, and biggest of all, a wedding picture of us. I set the frames down with care, and smiled. "I'll never forget you." I whimpered smiling through the tears. I hope he knew now, no matter how happy and over him I look, I'm really not.

And once again I walked in the silence of which I entered, and I wished that there would always be unbreakable silence, in remembrance of all that died. And I wished, and prayed that all the innocent victims that were: sons, daughters, sisters, brothers, mothers, fathers, wives and husbands. One thing that I was sure of was Edward was not another statistic. No, he was a father, son, brother, son-in-law, brother-in-law, and my husband. No matter how many years go by, I will never forget him. They were somebody's hero, and loved one, just like he was. I looked onto the day that changed everything in my life. For today was September 11, I look above at where the twin towers, the world trade center, the pentagon (in DC) and how quickly they fell, and how quickly they took innocent heroes and workers, like Edward, with them, forever trapped in the debris, and always remembered, not for that day, but for what they were. Life without Edward was terrible, and I knew it wouldn't get easier. Not even time could heal this time. Tears poured from my cheeks as I walked out. As the rain started, I realized it felt like it rained always, and there wasn't any sunshine, for now at least.

_**Hopefully it wasn't a total failure. Reviews both make my day and my writing better. I love to hear from you guys. So please click that green button and make a smile go on my face. **_


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